fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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