new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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