we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
