Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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