Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is Oprah even human
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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