at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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