Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
