i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
