If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize