Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
