this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
