He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
