Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
