I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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