so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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