I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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