____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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