i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
