Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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