I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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