I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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