He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
