I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
