this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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