Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
