I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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