I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
