i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
