She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
