It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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