How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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