what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
