You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
