My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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