Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
