Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
