i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize