i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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