i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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