I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
