I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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