I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
