I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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