I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
