Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
