Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
