Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
