i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
