Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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