Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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