My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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