i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
