dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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