My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
