Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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