I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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