My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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