big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
