i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
