It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
