If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
