you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
