Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
