Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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