Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
