Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
