And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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