Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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