I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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