You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this boner is exhausting
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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