how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
