Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I skipped work to stalk him.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
As shirtless as possible
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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