Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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