Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
