Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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