I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she told me i tasted like america
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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