ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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