He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
