I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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