So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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