Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize