Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
