Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
