There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
