oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
