You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
