dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
