Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
