My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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