i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
