you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
