my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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