she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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