I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
