There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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